5 Tips for Parenting Children with ADHD
No one would deny that parenting is a difficult task. When you’re raising a child with ADHD, parenting may feel overwhelming. However, parenting a child with ADHD is not about doing more, but rather doing things correctly. Here are 5 tips for parenting a child with ADHD. But before we dive in, let's have a little refresher on this neurodevelopmental disorder and where it may stem from.
There is no singular cause for a child to be born with ADHD. Like most disorders, there are several complex factors involved. For parents, one thing to remind yourself of is that you did not cause your child to have this disorder. Furthermore, children with ADHD still have the capability to thrive and reach their true potential.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there are three types of ADHD: inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, and combined. For a child to be diagnosed with ADHD, the child must have at least six of the following symptoms.
Inattentive ADHD Symptoms
Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes
Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play
Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork or chores
Often has difficulty organizing tasks & activities
Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort
Often loses things necessary for tasks & activities
Often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
Often forgetful in daily activities
Hyperactive/Impulsive ADHD Symptoms
Often fidgets or taps hands or feet or squirms in seat
Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected
Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is inappropriate
Often unable to play or engage in leisure activities quietly
Is often “on the go,” acting as if “driven by a motor”
Often talks excessively
Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed
Often has difficulty waiting their turn
Often interrupts others
ADHD Strategies for Parents
Tip #1: Break Down Instructions into Bite-Sized Pieces
Children and teenagers already have small attention spans. However, if your child has ADHD, this may make it even more difficult for your child to focus. Parents, try to break up overarching tasks into bite-sized pieces. Breaking down tasks will reduce the chance of your child feeling overwhelmed and increase their chance of following through. For example, rather than saying, “Please, clean your room,” try to break it into chunks throughout the day. You can start off asking your child to make the bed, then later in the day to take out the trash, followed by putting away all toys before bedtime.
Tip #2: Provide Consistent Routines and Timed Countdowns
When you have ADHD, it can be easy to lose track of tasks and activities. Having a consistent routine can give your child a greater sense of normalcy and expectation. Predictability helps regulate the ADHD brain and builds healthy habits. In addition to keeping a consistent schedule, try giving your child countdowns for tasks that need to be completed. For example, 15 minutes before it’s time to sleep, give your child a 15-minute warning, followed by a 10-minute, 5-minute, and then a 1-minute warning. This will help your child prepare mentally and physically for the transition.
Tip #3: Provide Low-Stimulating, Long-Form Media
From iPads to social media, we live in a media-saturated world. It may be almost impossible to shield your child from the media. However, you do have control over the type of media you can willingly present to your child. Try providing long-form and low-stimulating forms of media to your child. Rather than reels, shorts, or YouTube videos, full-length episodes and movies can help expand your child’s attention over longer periods of time. Also, look for low-stimulating content. This can be especially helpful for children with ADHD, hyperactive type. When a child has ADHD with hyperactivity, their brain may be moving at an accelerated speed. However, long-form and low-stimulating media can be like putting on the brakes for your child. I recommend shows from PBS or Disney movies released during the 90’s and early 2000’s.
Tip #4: Have Non-Directed, Child-Centered Play Time
According to Gary Landreth, the creator of child-centered play therapy, play “expands self-expression, self-knowledge, self-actualization, and self-efficacy.” (Landreth, 2002). Never underestimate the power of a few toys, undivided attention, and imagination. Play can do wonders for children. Child-centered play, which basically means that the child leads the play time, can also allow the child to practice autonomy, develop their own thoughts, process emotions, and connect with parents on an even deeper emotional level. Having play time for at least 30 minutes can also help increase your child’s concentration.
Tip #5: Talk with Your Child’s School About Accommodations
Your child deserves the chance to thrive. However, most school systems were not created for children with ADHD. If your child is having difficulties completing school work or staying focused in the classroom, talk to your school’s staff about accommodations. If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, they most likely qualify for a 504 plan in Texas. Parents have the power to request a 504 plan for their child.
Tip #6: Teach Emotional Regulation, Not Just Behavior Modification
Parenting a child with ADHD shouldn’t end with behavior modifications. ADHD is not just a matter of attention deficits; it’s a matter of emotional regulation. When a child is emotionally dysregulated, it will often trigger the child to act out behaviorally. There are several techniques to teach your child how to regulate emotions. Box breathing is a mindfulness staple. When your child is dysregulated, use a calm tone of voice and walk them through this box breathing exercise. Direct your child to breathe in slowly for four seconds, hold that breath for four seconds, and then exhale for four seconds. Try repeating this exercise three to five times or until your child appears more regulated. You can even draw a box with your finger. Each side of the box equals one second.
What Not to Do When Parenting a Child with ADHD
The list of ADHD strategies for parents could go on and on. However, I’d be amiss if I didn’t also include what NOT to do when parenting a child with ADHD. First on my list of things to avoid is parenting your neurodivergent child based solely on neurotypical techniques. Yes, a child with ADHD can do anything a child without ADHD can do. However, if you approach parenting with a neurotypical lens, this could lead to major disappointment for both you and your child. It’s important to adjust your stance and get creative in how you can approach parenting in ways that complement your child with ADHD.
Secondly, do NOT reinforce negative behaviors. Parents, we’re all familiar with tantrums and meltdowns. The easiest option would be to give in and provide what the child wants. In certain situations, this can make the most sense. However, if we do this too often, it can send a signal to the child that as long as they throw their tantrum, they will eventually get what they want. Instead, praise and reinforce your child when they have positive behaviors. This will not only encourage your child to continue these actions, but it will also help your child identify positive characteristics within themselves, such as sharing, working hard, and being kind.
No one said that parenting a child would be easy. While there are a variety of ADHD strategies for parents that exist, you know your child the best. Some of these tips won’t work for your child, while others may surprise you. At the end of the day, have grace for yourself as you embark on one of the toughest yet most rewarding jobs out there, being a parent.
There’s no shame in needing a little extra help. If you’re wondering whether your child could have ADHD or if they’ve already been diagnosed and you’d like some additional support, feel free to reach out to me. I can assess and/or treat your child with ADHD in ways that are supportive and celebrate your child’s uniqueness.